elliott smith, r.i.p.
i always did have a little crush on elliott smith. i'm sad that the boy who made such beautiful music is no longer around, and i'm more sad, still, that he had no idea how beautiful it -- and he -- really was.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003 | 12:14 p.m.


i have been so focused on jotting down good things that i forget to mention my crushes. just now, i discovered anoushka's drawings and i can't stop swooning and smiling. so simple, yet so charming.
Thursday, October 2, 2003 | 02:51 p.m.


i have never been called a tattletale, but if i were, nita's the kind of tattletale i'd wanna be.
Thursday, August 7, 2003 | 10:13 a.m.


it started with a pink dress that i got on sale on a whim. wearing it made me feel like springtime.

when flip-flop weather officially arrived, i bought a bottle of perfect pink nailpolish. normally, the pinks are too shimmery or bright, but this was cool and pearly. i knew i'd made a good choice because miha asked to borrow it at my fourth of july bbq.

after a few weeks with pink toes, pink t-shirts and even pink underwear, i'm hooked. all i can think is ... pink.

Wednesday, July 16, 2003 | 04:23 p.m.


i have a crush on all things skwish. the name skwish is more than just an artist, one who is a friend of a friend of mine, to me. no, the name to me means wit, style, color, and heart. i really admire him and his work.
Wednesday, July 16, 2003 | 04:21 p.m.


a 7-year-old boy named CJ stole my heart. i think it was his big brown doe eyes and grin. he passed out candy and chocolate to the ladies at the wedding we attended. later, i saw him with a lavender garter wrapped around his arm.

"do you know what that means?" i asked.

"yeah," he smiled. "it means someday...i'm going to get married."

Wednesday, July 2, 2003 | 02:47 p.m.


A Softer World is a different kind of comic strip. it's simple, tender, and beautiful. also, it's composed solely of photographs and type.

the site, run by a girl named emily and a boy named joey, just might break your heart. it broke mine.

Tuesday, July 1, 2003 | 12:04 p.m.


me: rad!
lisaann: rad!
me: hee.
lisaann: people should say RAD more.
me: i know. they really should.

Friday, June 27, 2003 | 03:52 p.m.


you may not have heard of my favorite new album, but i'm convinced you should. it's the The Booty Tape, a mix of booty-licious songs that was found in Michigan some years back.

found magazine genius editor Davy Rothbart shared this treasure on his booktour, and his little brother performed a cover of one of the songs, "your booty won't stop." make not mistake: the booty won't stop, nor will the melody. it's been stuck in my head ever since.

if you send the guys $5, they'll make you a copy!

Tuesday, June 24, 2003 | 04:49 p.m.


what a fine idea. support your local, or not so local, library by donating books via amazon.com. a school in my hometown is even on the list, but i won't tell you which.

for as little as $10, you can make many children very happy. just think: they might get a crush on you for being so darned nice!

Tuesday, June 24, 2003 | 04:40 p.m.


it's been so long since i've opened my heart up to a piece of candy, but this week i found my soulmate sitting atop my desk. i didn't know if it was safe to eat -- i kept thinking about what moms say about candy from strangers and i didn't even know who this piece came from -- but my coworker revealed that he brought it from vancouver.

i liked looking at its pink-and-white trimmed wrapper and i repeated its name under my breath, cremello, cremello, cremello. when i finally put it into my mouth, my whole body sighed.

to be frank, i was a little bit sad because i knew it was the only piece i had and i knew that it would soon melt. i knew that it was from canada, and after some research i discovered that it was a british brand, and i might not ever taste it again. it's kind of like those lifesave cremesavers, i realized, so after work i picked up a bag but it's not nearly the same.

Friday, June 13, 2003 | 11:27 a.m.


i have a mad, mad crush on the sultry, sexy, exhales of the members of imperial teen-- and when i say "exhales" i don't mean singing. i mean, quite literally, the breath they let out. like fire.

they are far more dreamy than any "ooh" or "ahh" or "la la la"s that a band might add to their melodies. in fact--dare i say it?--they're breathtaking. ha. ha. ha.

Thursday, May 29, 2003 | 01:12 a.m.


fresh mozzarella and d'anjou pears. sparkling lemonade. iced coffee. cookies & cream ice cream. cherry tomatoes. olives. strawberry pie.


Wednesday, May 28, 2003 | 10:12 a.m.


it seemed only fitting that i pick up yo la tengo's summer sun before the long weekend. i'd heard it was shimmery and sunshiney, which is how i've felt now that summer is just around the corner.

i have only given it one full listen, but i already feel like i am getting some color in my cheeks.

Friday, May 23, 2003 | 03:33 p.m.


i am a woman in love.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003 | 02:44 p.m.


haikus have become
my favorite kind of poem.
they're fun to write, too.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003 | 07:01 p.m.


give me 5 minutes, and i'll stalk your site. here are the latest greatest that i click to most:

5-minute stalk list (in no apparent order)
lather rinse repeat
boy girl party
the onion
the mirror project
a softer world
fork in socket
devoted bee

Wednesday, May 14, 2003 | 03:43 p.m.


i am in love love love with all things crackers & honey. wouldn't you be, too?
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 | 10:56 a.m.


does anyone know why i can't find cinnamon extra gum anywhere? no, i don't want winterfresh, spearmint, or polar ice. no, dentyne, big red, and trident don't cut it. i want my cinnamon extra, damnit.
Thursday, April 17, 2003 | 03:48 p.m.


this aimee mann album is really growing on me. it's one of those albums that fell through the cracks when it came out. i love her stuff, but i just hadn't been paying attention to release dates or spending money on new music.

it wasn't until i was doing research on seth, after reading his brilliant book it's a good life if you don't weaken, that i remembered i hadn't bought her album. (he did the artwork for the album and site.)

i rescued it from the used bin at moby disc and i'm so glad. i can't stop listening to her soothing, crooning voice.

Tuesday, April 15, 2003 | 03:30 p.m.


jeff veen is famous as one of the founding fathers of the web and an expert in design, but did you know he's also a big ol' sap like many of us? i didn't. reading his story about meeting leslie, his wife of 10 years, was so touching.
Friday, April 11, 2003 | 03:04 p.m.


recipe for a perfect toasted cheese sandwich

2 slices of orowheat oatnut 3-seed bread
2 slices of american cheese

1. lay the slices of bread flat on a paper towel.
2. lay the slices of cheese on one of the pieces of bread. you may have to overlap them. that's okay; it just means that bite will be extra cheesy!
3. lay the naked slice of bread on top of the cheese-covered one.
4. stick it in the toaster oven set to medium.
5. listen for the ding and voila! it's done! sneak a peek at the center, making sure the cheese is nicely melted. if so, slice in half and serve with carrot sticks and lemonade.
6. rub your tummy and say, "mmm."

Friday, April 4, 2003 | 11:55 a.m.


in honor of lent, knot magazine presents you, dear friends, with a tale of two catholics. it's so nice to read something intelligent, forward-thinking, and just pretty darned funny about being catholic.
Thursday, March 27, 2003 | 11:52 a.m.


polite boys, boys who say "thank you" and "bless you" and "here, stand over here. you'll be able to see better," at rock shows (like the boy at iron & wine last night), boys who are nice for no reason except to be nice--oh, they have no idea how sexy they are.
Wednesday, March 26, 2003 | 10:15 a.m.


with my new fiskars paper timmer slicing a sheet of cardstock feels like running a knife through a stick of butter. it's that easy.
Thursday, March 20, 2003 | 12:18 p.m.


oh my goodness! reprodepot is a ribbon and rick-rack dream come true. this online shop sells vintage fabrics and finds, both of which i'd have no practical use for since i don't actively sew--but i still like gazing at the patterns and prints.

i do, however, always have a use for cute t-shirts, pajamas and sweaters. check 'em out! who's buying me these?

Wednesday, March 19, 2003 | 10:18 a.m.


haku's green eyes and gentle voice would have been enough, but no. he also is brave, compassionate, sharp. he has a big heart.

so what if it's a cartoon heart? and a cartoon voice and cartoon eyes and cartoon emotions?

i still love him. i still want to fly hand in hand with him in the watercolor spirited away clouds.

(what a stunning and touching film. i need to see it again.)

Friday, March 14, 2003 | 12:17 a.m.


wandering up and down the toy aisle, i felt so lost. i was shopping for birthday gifts for my 3-year-old niece, but nothing looked just right. no barbies, no bratz, no thank you. but then i spotted dora. i was immediately drawn to her darker skin and choppy hair-do (much like mine when i was a wee lass). she also has a sidekick monkey. we all need a sidekick monkey! i bought a basketload of dora things, bath toys and coloring books, for my niece and i hope she likes them. i like them. i wish i were 3 again, so that i could daydream about exploring and adventuring with her.
Friday, March 7, 2003 | 04:40 p.m.


sometimes, i get so caught up in discovering new favorites that i forget old ones.

yesterday, i went to amoeba for the first time in weeks. it's always a feat if i get out of there with two or less CDs in my hand but last night i found myself unable to remember even one band to check out. (amazing!)

just when i was about to give up hope, i remembered that i still had to complete my collection of all things ida, one of my favorite bands. i picked up tales of brave ida and listened to it, along with the other CDs and some live tracks on mp3 i snagged, all night long. and i'm still listening.

an ida bonus: artist ida pearle, no direct relation to the band (although she has played violin with them on occasion), is also amazing. i want to live on the paper moon.

Wednesday, March 5, 2003 | 03:28 p.m.


his name is don, don francisco, and he makes the meanest (read: yummiest) cup of coffee ever. i discovered his butterscotch toffee blend at my friend francesca's house last week. her house smelled like a candy factory. the cup of coffee tasted like heaven.

the next morning, i ran to albertson's to pick up a can. i was hooked. i am hooked. i cannot let a day go by without brewing at least one pot. i don't even have to drink it, although i never pass up a good cup of coffee. i just need to smell it.

Tuesday, March 4, 2003 | 08:06 a.m.


oh, crayola crayon chronology! where have you been all my life?

all this time, i've been trying to remember the name of the light purplish pinkish color that rhymed with whistle and the browny color that looked like poop and there it is, there all the colors' names are, on one single easy-to-access page.

Wednesday, February 26, 2003 | 12:56 a.m.


It's not like I have a crush on you
and instead of writing my five-paragraph essay
I am sailing paper airplanes across the room at you--
it's not that I can't wait for the lunch bell
to see your face again.

It's not like that. Not exactly.

-- "The Flight of the Reader," Billy Collins

Tuesday, February 11, 2003 | 03:04 p.m.


i am like a little kid on christmas morning: i have so many new toys and i don't know which one i should play with first. my lomo camera, my wireless dsl, my scanner. i'm even excited to line the shelves of my new vintage dresser!
Wednesday, February 5, 2003 | 05:23 p.m.


there could be far worse things than gazing lovingly at ... a sketchbook.



Tuesday, January 21, 2003 | 11:24 a.m.


i think he was right: the only way to get over a crush is to find a new one.

any takers?

Thursday, January 16, 2003 | 10:02 a.m.


if i were a teenage girl, i wouldn't waste my time on N'Sync or The Backstreet Boys. the real action is with sondre lerche.

at the tender age of 19, this norwegian wonder puts all the manufactured teeny bopper pop stars to shame. faces down is filled with jangly, tingly melodies that remind me a little of stephen malkmus, jon brion and michael penn. his music also been compared to aztec camera, with good reason. lead singer roddy frame was only 16 when oblivious came out. (but don't quote me on that. i know he was young.)

and just look at him, girls. try to tell me he's not more crushworthy than justin timberlake. just you try.

Monday, January 13, 2003 | 04:32 p.m.


this is not a crush. it’s a question. a plea, really, for help:

how do you get over a crush? let’s say there is somebody you shouldn’t like but the more you tell yourself you shouldn’t the more this person creeps into your thoughts. what do you do? tell me.

Monday, January 13, 2003 | 11:09 a.m.


the boy at the coffeehouse wore a knit cap and a plaid shirt. he worked studiously on an old-skool ibook, shaking his right leg. a nervous habit. a twitch. an endearing one.

when i sneezed, a sneeze that shook the table and bounced off the walls, he turned, looked me straight in the eye and said "bless you." then he smiled.

"thank you," i swooned.

without warning, i sneezed again. by this point, polite boy had moved to a friend's table on the other side of the coffeehouse. he turned and smiled again. "bless you."

i shouldn't admit this, but the rest of the time i sat there, i mindlessly doodled in my sketchbook, read the same paragraph 20 times, and tried so hard to make myself sneeze again.

it didn't work.

Thursday, January 9, 2003 | 11:44 p.m.


as usual, i'm late to jump on the bandwagon of the flaming lips lovers. my friend miha gave me a copy of Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots and i am really digging it.

how could i have ignored this band for so long? the bandwagon just peeled around the corner and i'm running as fast as i can to chase it down.

Thursday, January 9, 2003 | 04:18 p.m.


how did i ever live without DSL? i am in nerd heaven.
Monday, January 6, 2003 | 04:18 p.m.


5-minute stalk list (in no apparent order)
- dooce
- whygodwhy
- katejinx
- not martha
- get crafty message boards
- paranoidgirl
- the onion
- ask frenchie
- impress rubber stamps
- iota

give me 5 minutes, and i'll stalk your site.

Friday, December 13, 2002 | 10:57 a.m.


no time for christmas shopping.
Tuesday, December 10, 2002 | 05:18 p.m.


whitechocolatespaceegg is perfect singing at the top of your lungs in your car with the window rolled down music. and, just my luck, i am in liz phair's vocal range.
Friday, December 6, 2002 | 04:24 p.m.


back in my puppy love stage with the internet -- before it became a fullblown, mad, passionate affair as it is now -- i obsessively stalked lowbrow.com, a site where users, simply, submit stuff. stuff, or as they call it, the "best user submitted content about scraping the bottom."

i liked it because it was real and honest and no holds barred. it also really appealed to the usa today in me, my paragraph-at-a-time short attention span. it, and a few other user-submitted content sites, ended up inspiring behold, and up until last week, i'd totally forgotten about it. i'm glad to see that it is still up and running and serving up everything and nothing for all the world to see.

Thursday, December 5, 2002 | 04:40 p.m.


my favorite advent calendar, next to those chocolate ones that i used to get as a kid.

i can't believe it's already december.

Wednesday, December 4, 2002 | 10:42 a.m.


forget martha stewart living magazine. i'm in love with martha stewart magazine for kids! there are far more festive ideas and crafts to try in the holiday issue (with beautiful j.otto-illustrated section on penguins).

on the to-do list: sock puppies, monkey bread and paper snowflakes. hooray!

Tuesday, December 3, 2002 | 02:21 p.m.


i have an enormous, pink-cheeked, heart-swelling crush on monchacha.com. it's the kind of site that makes me wish i knew a thing or five about making websites.
Wednesday, November 27, 2002 | 01:36 p.m.


this morning i woke up and decided it was a Teenage Fanclub kind of morning, so i pulled the cds off the shelf, sat them beside me in the car, slipped Songs from Northern Britain into my cd player, and drove with my windows down. i sang all the way to work.
Wednesday, November 20, 2002 | 11:16 a.m.


it was love at first bite. saturday, kiehl and i took a field trip to porto's, the glendale bakery everyone had been telling me about. oh, man. we had to wipe the drool off our chins: fruit tarts, biscotti and cheesecake, oh my!
Monday, November 18, 2002 | 05:08 p.m.


i am in love with the line--

"all of this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me."

--from the re-mix of elvis's a little less conversation

Friday, November 15, 2002 | 04:05 p.m.


the boy who ate a banana split for dinner is my new hero.
Tuesday, November 5, 2002 | 10:25 a.m.


i don't read enough. for someone who fancies herself a writer, who is so in love with words, who would like someday to be a name on the spine on a shelf, i just don't. but that doesn't stop me from starting several books at once, buying more books i intend to someday read and keeping a list of books i should have read by now.

it sounds a bit daunting, but it doesn't have to be, thanks to singlefile, my new favorite website. designed by the sharp lads at 37 signals, this site helps you organize your book collection, whether it be books you've read, you're reading or hope to read. neat, no? yes. and the site is extremely easy to use and beautiful to look at. even better.

of course, i'll probably waste too much time organizing my book collection than actually reading them.

Wednesday, October 23, 2002 | 10:28 p.m.


dear paul,

can i call you paul? i know you go by PT these days, but i just can't bring myself to do it. i also like paul thomas, but that sounds too much like a soap opera name. so, paul it is.

so, paul, i have to confess that i've had a crush on you since that article in the LA Weekly when Boogie Nights came out. (at first, i typed Boogie Knights, which sounds like a bad broadway musical waiting to happen.) you had just dumped that winona ryder lookalike who worked at Buzz with me. i forgot her name, but i just remember how mortified she was that you were on the cover. you were a no-name then. i read that piece and fell in love.

then i saw Boogie Nights and, later, Magnolia, and yeah, it was confirmed. you are brilliant, albeit a little messed up in the head, and i want to marry you, or at least be your friend.

but paul, darling, you've really done it now with Punch-Drunk Love. it's so beautiful and sad and strange, like love itself. anyway, i just had to say hello because you've been on my mind since i saw the film. they seem to seep inside my brain and stay a while, kinda the way you do.


Wednesday, October 23, 2002 | 02:34 p.m.


i can't get over how amazing billy collins is. i mean, yes, okay, he's the u.s. poet laureate. of course he's good. everyone knows he's good.

but, oh, i feel like i did when i was in junior high and i first heard r.e.m. or read e.e. cummings, like i had discovered my own secret treasure. who cares if people had been listening to the band and reading his work for years before? now, the melodies were ingrained in my head and the words were etched onto my notebooks. now, they were mine.

check out: litany, last cigarette and forgetfulness.

Monday, October 14, 2002 | 12:11 p.m.


the only really productive thing i did today was curl up in the big green chair, drink two cups of coffee and read kissing in manhattan, by david schickler. it was, as i'd heard, sharp and funny and touching. it also marked the end of the book drought, i.e. a period in which i am for some reason incapable of finishing any book i start, i'd been having.
Sunday, October 13, 2002 | 10:15 p.m.


dooce! it rhymes with "dude!" as in, "dude, this site is, like, the best ever, and the chick who runs it is an f-in' riot."
Thursday, October 10, 2002 | 11:45 a.m.


the boy in the gap commercial, who shakes and struts and runs his fingers through his hair. yeah, him. well, hot damn is all i have to say.

i found out today his name is will kemp, but these headshots just do not do him justice.

Wednesday, October 9, 2002 | 05:34 p.m.


blahgirlx: oh, so do you want to hear about today's crush?
emilyann: oooh yes yes
blahgirlx: it is miniscule but got me giddy
blahgirlx: i was driving home and had to stop and get gas
blahgirlx: so i was making a left turn at a yellow-turned-red light and this car sped up behind me and followed me into the gas station and he swung around and ended up on the opposite pump as me and oh my god his eyes were amazing
emilyann: hahaa
blahgirlx: like, they were the lightest, clearest things i'd ever seen
blahgirlx: and it was just funny b/c i was having trouble with the pump and so was he and you could just hear the gurgling at the same time and it was like this funny "i know you can hear that" moment
emilyann: hehe
blahgirlx: and he finished before i did, i don't know how, but then he turned the corner and smiled
blahgirlx: woo
emilyann: did you slip him your number?
blahgirlx: hahaha no
emilyann: that's so cute
emilyann: crush at the gas pumps
blahgirlx: crush at the gas pump!
blahgirlx: what a nerd i am!
emilyann: no way, it's so cute

Tuesday, October 8, 2002 | 10:47 p.m.


seedless red grapes at 77 cents a pound. eating by the window. gerber daisies on the table. cool breeze and setting sun. no place i've gotta be and all the time in the world.
Saturday, October 5, 2002 | 05:51 p.m.


it's hard, if not impossible, to resist crushing a boy who sings songs about crushes and apple crisp and patrolling the moon. add to that the fact that he does a mean coloring book drawing and rescues brown paper bag puppets that he finds on the street and says thank you a million times and, yes, okay, he immediately sores to the top of my list.

summer was right: dennis driscoll is what Dreamy is made of.

Tuesday, October 1, 2002 | 05:33 p.m.


it seems like everyone i know is listening to the new coldplay record today. i, for one, just can't stop.

it's perfect music for cloud watching and memory diving, which is all i want to do today.

Wednesday, September 25, 2002 | 11:54 a.m.


this girl is beautiful. she and i talk on and off about the struggles we face: to be healthy, to be tough, to be creative. i think she is doing an amazing job, honestly; she inspires me.

and look, now, at her paintings. tell me that you wouldn't be inspired, too.

Friday, September 20, 2002 | 04:03 p.m.


the one thing lisa & salim wanted to do on their vacation last weekend that didn't involve food was visit spaceland. lucky for us, irving was playing a cd release party saturday night, so there was a good reason to go.

i had never heard of the l.a. natives, but l & s had seen them play just the week before in san francisco. he described them as "happy catchy '60s-ish pop," which sounded promising. i just was excited to take an evening stroll, have a couple drinks and live music, then stumble home.

the band exceeded my expectations: happy, catchy, '60s-ish and so unbelievably cute, each and every one of them. (their website is adorable, too: buttons for buttons and corduroy everywhere.) each band member writes and sings, and the show reminded me of a game of musical chairs and beach blanket bingo. i guess they're from the 'hood, so i'm sure they'll be back soon, and you bet i'll be there. just look for the girl swooning.

Sunday, September 8, 2002 | 09:48 p.m.


i was sitting on the sofa, near comatose due to heat exhaustion, rewinding the Felicity video for lisa, when i happened upon bouldering (fancy rock climbing), on channel 4. never would i imagine this to be a delightful sport to watch, but oh my god, the ARMS on those boys.

(okay, so some girls are mesmerized by eyes, others by height. me, it's arms.)

my favorite boulderer: chris sharma. (and ok, he also happened to be the lead at the time) he's only 19, but he is amazing the way he just soars around the rocks and his arms are among the best i've ever seen.


Tuesday, September 3, 2002 | 09:19 p.m.


did i tell you about the boy at the movie theater? he parked across the street from me and sat one row away. i had no desire to talk to him, i just wanted to watch him from my seat. i wanted to see if he laughed at the same parts i did. i wanted to see if he danced, too.

but two girls came by -- squealing and squeaking because they hadn't seen him in ages -- and whisked him away to the front of the theater.

i saw him after the movie, smoking a cigarette. he saw me, too. and smiled.

Tuesday, August 13, 2002 | 07:38 p.m.


comic book boys: those who make them and those who read them, oh, and even those who live in them. i love them all. you may think they're all just a buncha big fat nerds, but i tell you, they are sweet (sometimes dreamy!) boys who are giddy about something they adore, and i of all people can relate to that.

today, i went to the comic-con in san diego and fell in love. i told miguel, i only wish i had read more of them, so that i could do the event justice rather than just wander around aimlessly. as it were, i came with the intention of meeting adrian tomine and sam brown (missions accomplished, with sketches & books & posters to prove it). i was overwhelmed by everything and everyone else.

Saturday, August 3, 2002 | 10:49 p.m.


this is a magazine.

it is beautiful.

enough said.

Friday, August 2, 2002 | 03:05 p.m.


if you, like my friends and i, are constantly asking each other "remember that one band...?" then you will be thrilled to discover vh1's artists a-z as a top notch resource.

just yesterday, i was submitting a song on mixmatcher, a crush i confessed long ago (scroll down). the playlist topic: cigarettes. naturally, the song Last Cigarette by dramarama came to mind. to find out the album it came from, i searched on both amazon and cdnow but, alas, the only CD listed was the band's greatest hits album. "this can't be!" i thought to myself, aghast.

and no, it wasn't. a quick search on vh1's site led me to a fan site where i discovered the answer: Stuck in Wonderamaland. there were days when i listened to dramarama and the smithereens all day long because i wanted to be cool like my next door neighbor, kim. that was a long time ago.

Friday, August 2, 2002 | 11:29 a.m.


you know a website is good when you visit it and instantly smile, over and over again. everything that craig makes is beautiful like that and its beauty lies in its simplicity and appreciation for little things (some of them literally little, like his world-famous minipops). i've been lucky enough to correspond with him through e-mail and postcards and polaroids, long before he or i even had websites that many people visited, and i'm glad. he's going to go places, that chap, and i'm going to watch him fly there.
Friday, July 19, 2002 | 05:18 p.m.


my new favorite comic: cat and girl. the heroine, who bears a striking resemblance to my friend lorraine (and some might say myself, as well), is a girl after my own heart. brilliant, really.
Sunday, July 14, 2002 | 11:21 a.m.


i had forgotten all about the oasis song, talk tonight, and how i used to put on my headphones and listen to it on repeat and stare out train windows when i lived in paris (and visited london). but today, i dusted off the CD i bought for too many francs and popped it into my ibook, turning up the volume up up up.

it's so strange and so wonderful the way songs do that. the way they evoke a mood or span a time. the way just listening to them once more takes you right back to when you first heard it.

Tuesday, July 9, 2002 | 09:49 p.m.


he gleefully showed us hat, which was red and white striped with white stars on blue. he proudly tipped the bill downward and then pointed to red flashing lights, battery operated fireworks going off on his head. later, he would take it off and gaze at it, lovingly.

"it's my birthday weekend," he announced.

"happy birthday," i said.

"i'm 80."

"you don't look it."

he smiled. "i know."

Saturday, July 6, 2002 | 10:49 p.m.


i love the u.s.a.

i don't go around singing amazing grace nor do i have a flag decal on my car rear window, but deep down inside my filipino brown body, i have a strong affection for this country, despite its faults.

if it weren't for america, i wouldn't know french fries or fireworks on the fourth of july. i wouldn't be who i am. no, i'd be just another dalaga on just another rainy, humid, mosquito-infested day.

Thursday, July 4, 2002 | 03:10 p.m.


i have been living off a diet of Coldplay, Trembling Blue Stars and Rosie Thomas. what does that say about the state i'm in? something, i'm sure, but i'm not sure what. i just know that good music gives me the daily allowance of nutrients i need.
Monday, July 1, 2002 | 11:22 a.m.


new york city is a love i will never get over, and she just makes my heart ache for it even more.
Thursday, June 27, 2002 | 11:12 a.m.


i get on these food-and-drink kicks, where i will crave for a week at a time a certain food or drink. there is no rhyme or reason, it just hits me and all of a sudden i want that one thing all the time.

right now, it's bean, rice & cheese burritos. i'm not anti-meat, salsa or guacamole, but lately they just seem to get in the way.

Monday, June 24, 2002 | 11:45 a.m.


nevermind the fact that jeremy davies is a dreamboat nor the fact that the film itself was so fabulous its themes and style lingered in my head long after i saw it. no, nevermind any of that. right now, my favorite thing about CQ is the soundtrack. french pop is perfect for sunday.
Sunday, June 23, 2002 | 03:39 p.m.


today, i am in love with the letter P and things that begin with it:

popsicles, plants, pie, pencils, popcorn, painting, pianos, peanut butter, pizza, pop music, petunias, pavement, poetry, plastic & panoramic photographs.

even the word perhaps sends chills up my spine. ohhh.

Friday, June 14, 2002 | 02:38 p.m.


every night before i go to bed and every morning when i wake up, i smile at my african violet that sits content in a terracotta pot beside the futon. sometimes, i run my finger over its fuzzy leaves. once in a while, i even speak to it.

"you are so lovely!" i say, giddily.

this plant is my favorite in the whole house, but i try not to let on to the other six or seven plants in the house or they might get jealous. it's just that it is the hardest to grow. it takes just the right amount of light and you have to water it from the bottom and, well, i killed the last one. two weeks ago the first new blossoms sprung and just last week i noticed that several more were on the way and i realized that perhaps my brown thumb is turning slightly green.

Thursday, June 13, 2002 | 10:10 a.m.


i admit it: i am a gadget junkie. i love tiny electronic toys that fit in my purse, the shinier the better. so, you can imagine how giddy i am because the newest addition to my gadget harem arrived in the mail today: the rio volt 250. after a lot of research, i decided on this cd/mp3 player to replace the one that got stolen last december and satiate my craving for the extravagant but luscious ipod. yay! the player comes with two sets of headphones, batteries that recharge when plugged in, a remote control for easier access and software that'll make it easy to build mp3 playlists. and it came just in time for my little road trip to vegas. oh, yes. we will be cruising down the highway, belting out our favorite tunes, in style.
Friday, June 7, 2002 | 11:56 a.m.


i really wanted a cigarette last thursday. i have never smoked -- and have never wanted -- a cigarette in my life, but waiting in the cold and dark on thursday night, i kept thinking how nice it would be to have something to grasp between my twiddling thumbs and bring to my trembling lips. somehow, chewing gum just didn't cut it.
Monday, June 3, 2002 | 04:01 p.m.


this boy looks like billy on the no-carb diet. he has thick eyebrows and thin lips, but not the same full moon face. his is like billy's if you tugged on his cheeks and stretched them down.

i try to grin, but i'm not sure what comes across my face. i can only hope it is a smile.

Monday, May 27, 2002 | 10:20 p.m.


sandra cisneros makes me want to write good stories, about days other than today and people other than myself. i want to spin, twist and shuffle letters around until they make sentences that sing. i want to write half as wonderfully as she, like:

"In English my name means hope. In Spanish it means too many letters. It means sadness, it means waiting. It is like the number nine. A muddy color. It is the Mexican records my father plays on Sunday mornings when he is shaving, songs like sobbing."

from The House on Mango Street, lent to me by miha, who knew i'd love her, and now i have to get my hands on her other works. i have to stay up until the morning hours to finish the stories i began, all too long ago.

Monday, May 20, 2002 | 05:48 p.m.


Marie-Chantale is a girl after my own heart: paper and pencils and watercolors. she makes such beautiful things and inspires others to do the same. reading her words and seeing her ideas, i really know just how she feels.
Friday, May 17, 2002 | 03:29 p.m.


boys reading books on subways, with their legs crossed and their eyes narrow, steal little pieces of my heart. i don't care if it's a book by burroughs or hornby or grisham; i still want to lean over and kiss them all.
Thursday, May 9, 2002 | 05:20 p.m.


while i really would like to tell you that i have a crush on someone noble or something intellectual, i just seem to gravitate, instead, toward the dorky and silly and just plain childish.

like willy wonka. he is charming and witty and, hi, his life is candy. also: great hat. i want to ask him on a date so the two of us can drink the chocolate river like a milkshake with one straw.

[note: i got the pencam. it works with macs. thank you, cheryl.]

Friday, April 26, 2002 | 01:16 a.m.


i'm on the rebound, since felicity is leaving my life tomorrow. and who do i turn to?

the gilmore girls.

i swear, it's a really good show.

Tuesday, April 23, 2002 | 10:18 p.m.


we made a pilgrimage to see lou (we missed him the last time he played) but i ended up finding myself far more smitten with the the opening act, track star, and well, the singer, wyatt. when he opened his mouth, my insides melted. his voice, oh my god his voice. (and then i realize that his other band is in the aislers set, which is a band i've been listening to a lot, lately, so it's fate, right?)

after the set, i walked up to buy a CD and he showed up by my side and i held my ten dollar bill and asked him, "can i just give this to you?"

"yeah," he said.

"thanks," i said, feeling his fingers barely touch mine, "you were great." the word thumped awkwardly onto the floor. of all adjectives, i had to choose great. suddenly, i felt 12.

"thanks," he said, and i scurried off, like a little school girl.


Saturday, April 20, 2002 | 12:23 a.m.


i cannot get enough of summery, shimmery the shins. i have oh, inverted world on repeat in the hello kitty boombox in my cubicle. it's not unusual to walk in on me, with my headphones on and lips mouthing the lyrics and my body lightly bouncing in my office chair. it's just too bad that i waited until the last minute to get my show tickets, because i was too late and now i am going to miss them. i'll just have to blast the boombox a little louder and have a rock-n-roll party in my cubicle, i guess.
Thursday, April 18, 2002 | 05:03 p.m.


i don't even know his name, but still, i like him. he is clever and charming and slightly obnoxious -- all dangerous qualities. he likes sex and has consummated his desire with nearly 30 women. he is the kind of man that i know i shouldn't want but that of course makes me want him more. he is too good to be true. is he a dream? no, he is a character in a short story in a book, but i love him anyway.
Monday, April 15, 2002 | 11:32 a.m.


now i can be a proper spy with this spy camera! (i just with it weren't pc-only. all the fun toys are pc-only.)
Friday, April 5, 2002 | 03:44 p.m.


orange county's cutest couple ever: kozy & dan! not only are they just adorable -- if you saw them walking down the street you would want to gag and sigh at the same time because they are so cute -- but their artwork is equally aww-inducing. they also have an artshow with another artist i adore (who happens to be a friend of a friend and a very sweet boy) named heisuke. if you live in so cal, you should try to catch it.
Thursday, March 28, 2002 | 10:36 p.m.


will someone please set me up with a handspring treo? i am in love. at $399, it is comprable to the iPod, but offers so much more. sure, the iPod is way sexier and far more rock'n'roll, but the treo is dependable and trustworthy. it will be there for you if your car breaks down or when you need someone to call. i've had some boyfriends who weren't that cool.
Thursday, March 21, 2002 | 05:33 p.m.


i am a big fan of lists, and i blame it on my mother. when i was a wee lass, i acted as her secretary, scrawling lists on scraps of paper that were lying around the house. what to buy at the market, who to invite to the party and gifts to give at christmas. since i moved out, she makes those lists on her own and, now, so do i. darling daniele has a site dedicated to the best kind of lists: happy things! it will make you smile, i'm sure; it made me.
Friday, March 1, 2002 | 09:46 p.m.


he already knows i adore him, but this just blows me away. really.
Friday, March 1, 2002 | 04:47 p.m.


it's 5:32 and for the next five minutes i will be daydreaming about pete yorn, because his voice is like maple syrup and he has really nice arms.
Thursday, February 28, 2002 | 05:31 p.m.


books on tape are my new favorite roadside companions. why hadn't i thought of this before? they make early morning and late evening commutes enjoyable. even traffic doesn't bother me, because i am hanging on words and imagining places far away from where i am. lisaann lent me a secret history by donna tart, and i finished it in three commutes. it was so good, i wanted to miss my exit just so i could hear the ending.
Thursday, February 21, 2002 | 01:13 p.m.


kenny is the first crush in my memory. i chased him around the blacktop because i wanted to give him a kiss -- on the cheek, mind you. (simple minds, simple pleasures.) i wish i could be as brazen as i was back then. i don't chase boys, anymore. i just stare at them from the other side of the room, hoping my stares will send signals straight to their hearts.
Wednesday, February 20, 2002 | 10:45 a.m.


i've never been one to obsess about cars, but if i were, i'd obsess about this.

can't you see me driving down sunset boulevard? oh, yes you can!

Tuesday, February 19, 2002 | 03:46 p.m.


i have been swimming in playlists and mp3s the past few weeks, making mixed CDs for people far and wide. it reminds me of late nights in high school, when i'd stay up with my boombox and make mixed tapes for boys whom i crushed and girls whom i adored. anyway, i am now addicted to mixmatcher, because it's helped keep those creative juices that haven't been used since i was 16 flowing. the site is self-described as: "a tool to help share your musical ideas and expand your musical tastes through playlists." now, i'm exposed to other music tastes and get good theme ideas and share some of my own. yay.
Thursday, February 7, 2002 | 09:52 a.m.


the lovely lady who brought my favorite dream-keeping website, sleeptrip, to life has finally launched her latest crushworthy project, 300 love letters. (and we all know that i am a big fan of letters.) here's an excerpt:
"So I'm not going to tell you what we could be, cause I don't know what we could be. BUT: there is the crackle of electricity, the moment of contact coming nearer, nearer, the absolute excitement of you right now. Wow. How do you feel?"
asia has done something marvelous and brave with this project, crossing boundaries and building intimacy; i can't even begin to tell you how touching and inspiring the site is. you'll just have to take my word for it, or go there yourself.

Wednesday, February 6, 2002 | 11:06 a.m.


i have always been a big fan of all things cute, but my love has come to new heights with my obsession with kogepan. he is just so. damned. cute. i can't stand it.
Friday, February 1, 2002 | 04:18 p.m.


i spent countless days in grade school, practicing my handwriting (and signature, in preparation for my marriage to river phoenix), drawing outfits i wanted to wear and playing m.a.s.h. in my notebooks, so imagine my surprise and delight to find m.a.s.h. on the web! forget fortune tellers and palm readers, this game will determine who you are going to marry, what car you are going to drive, how many kids you will have and where you will live (a Mansion, Apartment, Shack or House). i just played a round and let me tell you, i am going to live the high life with a very cute boy, but i can't tell you who! i'll divulge that secret another day.

p.s. check out mena's other projects. she's pretty damn crushable, herself.

Friday, January 25, 2002 | 10:32 a.m.


i've got the song, crimson & clover, stuck in my head and it's making me all dreamy-eyed and floatsy. (crimson and clover, over and over, indeed!) i've had a crush on that song since i first heard it on an episode of the wonder years. kevin and winnie swayed to it. do you remember that, too?
Saturday, January 19, 2002 | 09:22 a.m.


it has been a long time -- a very long time, in fact -- since a perfectly random stranger has lingered in my mind but over a week ago a boy in a bar changed all that. he was wearing this shirt, so of course i thought that must mean he likes giant robot and superflat and yoshimoto nara and already that is three points right there. plus, he had messy hair, which made 4.
Friday, January 18, 2002 | 10:33 a.m.


the morning news has become a part of my morning ritual, along with walks around the reservoir, french lessons in the car and bad office coffee. i just adore that site and the boys who run it. the only bad thing i can say about it is they make me miss new york like mad, and that's not their fault. everything else they do perfectly right.
Wednesday, January 16, 2002 | 08:11 a.m.


navel oranges. i bought five at 79 cents a pound last thursday and just ate the last one. the lingering fresh citrus smell in my cubicle reminds me of buying bags for a buck at our neighbors' house. they left the oranges on the porch and we slipped the dollar through the mail slot. commerce via honor system. i wonder if that would still work today. i remember mom used her nail to slice through its skin and made a tiny umbrella with the peel. ricky used a knife to make one long spiral slice. i could eat an orange in five minutes, and i still can.
Monday, January 14, 2002 | 04:22 p.m.


please don't tell my ibook but i think i have a crush on the new imac. i went to see it at the glendale apple store today and got all swoony at the sight of it. oh, sexy space machine! i even copped a feel, but i swear, it was innocent. i came home to my sweet ibook fast asleep on my desk and felt a pang of guilt and nostalgia and realized i could never really leave it. we are in love.
Sunday, January 13, 2002 | 02:29 p.m.


i keep listening to the same three beulah mp3s (the only ones i have) over and over again, and it's getting ridiculous. i need to buy their CDs. now. i actually saw them live sometime last fall, by sheer accident and a lovely one, at that. now i just can't get enough.
Saturday, January 12, 2002 | 11:27 a.m.


as much as i would like to pretend otherwise -- because admitting it is putting my guard down and oh, i am strong and independent and i don't need anybody, no sir, i don't -- i am harboring a crush on a boy with light blue eyes, a funny laugh and a charming way with words. you probably don't know him, but i wish you did. he hides behind a big talk and swaggering walk, but really, he is a very nice boy.
Friday, January 11, 2002 | 11:06 a.m.


the other day, i visited the international herald tribune online for the first time and it was love at first sight. i used to read the IHT when i lived in paris, but i'd since forgotten about it, now that i read my news on screen rather than paper (except on sundays, because that would be sacreligious). the website is so clean sometimes i just click over to rest my eyes in the middle of the workday.
Thursday, January 10, 2002 | 10:01 a.m.


oh, fruitella! how i love thee. you are no ordinary fruit chew. you burst with far more flavor than starburst ever could. i just devoured a whole pack and it's a good thing i'm too lazy to go to the kitchen or i'd eat another.
Wednesday, January 9, 2002 | 10:02 p.m.


peoplo are heartachingly beautiful. i want to crawl into the page and give one a hug.
Wednesday, January 9, 2002 | 06:00 p.m.